Strip the Part-Time Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance [Petition]

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Monday December 03, 2012 · 9:01 AM PST

2012/12/03 · 09:01

Click here to sign: Strip the Part-Time Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance (Petition)

The following letter to Congress is attached to the petition:

To: The U.S. House of Representatives
Strip Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance and Other Benefits.

With 2013 figuring to be a pivotal year for our country in terms of determining the future course of our economy, how we deal with vexing social issues — and perhaps even more vexing whether you’re a Democrat or Republican, Chris Christie’s prospects for 2016 — it is crucial, as the public is reminded incessantly, that our lawmakers “roll up their sleeves and get to work on behalf of the American people”. As evidence of how seriously your leadership takes this awesome responsibility, the Majority Leader has scheduled you to be in session for excruciatingly exhausting 126 days during the coming year.

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Wednesday November 07, 2012 · 1:36 PM PST

2012/11/07 · 13:36

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today announced that he has dispatched a team of election officials to Florida to assist officials there in tabulating the results of Tuesday’s Presidential race.

“I was shocked and saddened to see images on the news in recent days which showed so many dark skinned people waiting on lines that stretched as far as the eye could see — some spending their entire day waiting in the heat to exercise their right to vote,” the one-time influential leader told reporters. “It reminded me of sadder times here at home — before we embraced the freedom and democracy we all enjoy now.”

From The Desperate Blogger

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Monday November 05, 2012 · 1:29 PM PST

2012/11/05 · 13:29

Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced early this afternoon that he has certified the final vote tally from tomorrow’s Presidential election and that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is the winner of his state’s 18 electoral votes. Officials in Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Florida are expected to follow suit as soon as Tuesday morning.

Reading from a prepared statement, Husted told reporters, “Because this may very well be the most important election in our nation’s history, I believe it would have been the height of irresponsibility to have waited until the last minute before certifying the vote. Ohioans’ voices deserve to be heard.”

http://thedesperateblogger.com/...

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Friday August 10, 2012 · 10:39 PM PDT

2012/08/10 · 22:39

from The Desperate Blogger

House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R-WI) has sadly taken his own very promising political life by agreeing to accept former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s offer to serve as his Vice Presidential running mate in the November general election.

Congressman Ryan was 42.

real satire

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Sunday August 05, 2012 · 9:53 AM PDT

2012/08/05 · 09:53

Sources familiar with the vice presidential vetting process for former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s ill-fated 2012 presidential campaign have confirmed that long-time Romney associate J.P Morgan-Chase is being thoroughly vetted for the number 2 spot on the ticket.

The news came as no surprise to those closest to the candidate, many of whom were quick to point out that Mr. Romney often describes Chase as, “Not just a long time business associate, but a close friend and one of my favorite people in the world.”

M. Eileen Travers, who co-authored Gov. Romney’s semi-autobiographical children’s book ‘My Imaginary Friend is a Foreign Entity’, is among those who would not be surprised if Romney gave the nod to his old Wall Street buddy. “With the economy being such an important issue in this election, a President Romney would sleep much better at night knowing that if anything were to happen to him, Chase would be in charge.”

From The Desperate Blogger

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Saturday July 28, 2012 · 10:09 AM PDT

2012/07/28 · 10:09

A mere 48 hours after impressing London residents in a manner unmatched by a foreign dignitary since renowned German aerospace engineer Wernher von Braun shared with them his love of rocketry some seventy years ago, former Massachusetts governor and one-time presidential candidate Mitt Romney brought his three-nation ‘Barnstormer of Charm’ tour to Israel Saturday. And speaking at an international economic symposium at Tel Aviv University, he delivered remarks many experts agree may even overshadow his Olympic performance.

Sharing his views on current global economic conditions, most notably the Eurozone crisis and the slow rate of recovery in the United States, an uncharacteristically emotional Romney whipped the crowd into a frenzy when he concluded his remarks by offering his solution while simultaneously paying his own unique form of tribute to his audience’s heritage.

“For far too long, liberal and socialist policies have led not only to increased dependence on government, but also to unsustainable budget deficits,” the man many from England now refer to affectionately as the ‘taxation tallywacker’ lectured. “Governments have been spending money like they’re drunken sailors when they should be spending like they’re Jews.”

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Wednesday July 04, 2012 · 8:07 AM PDT

2012/07/04 · 08:07

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney stunned the political establishment and left pundits scrambling for their notes this morning when he announced his choice of freshman Florida Congressman Allen West to round out the GOP ticket. If Romney is elected, West would become the first African American and only the third paranoid schizophrenic to hold the office of Vice President of the United States.

Making his first public appearance with a black man, Romney praised West’s “… keen understanding of the vital issues we face born from a distinguished career in service to our country,” before noting, “And look at him — his hair is just the right length.”

real satire

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Tuesday April 10, 2012 · 7:42 AM PDT

2012/04/10 · 07:42

Spectrum Brands, makers of the George Foreman Grill®, announced yesterday that they have reached an agreement in principle with former Massachusetts governor and current GOP Presidential front-runner Mitt Romney to endorse their latest small kitchen appliance, The Mitt Romney Waffle-Pro®.

Company spokesman Liam Toomey unveiled a prototype of the new product at a press conference in Scranton, Pennsylvania, where candidate Romney was scheduled to be campaigning for the upcoming Republican primary. “We were expecting the governor to be here,” Toomey told the reporters present, “but apparently he changed his mind at the last minute.”

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Wednesday April 04, 2012 · 3:19 PM PDT

2012/04/04 · 15:19

What started out as an historic address by the most prominent religious leader ever to stand before a joint session of Congress descended into chaos yesterday as a visibly irate Jesus Christ, apparently responding to incessant hissing, booing, and heckling from the Republican side of the aisle, leapt from the podium and stormed the House chamber — screaming at the membership and throwing furniture indiscriminately.

Order was finally restored only after what appeared to be a legion of Capitol police finally subdued the religious scholar and philosopher viewed by many as their Lord and Savior.

One witness with perhaps the best vantage point was House Speaker John Boehner, with whom Mr. Christ, upon taking the podium, reportedly quipped, “By any chance are your people from Nubia?” According to The Bronze Clod, “I had a feeling it would be a long evening for our guest when before he uttered a word, (Mississippi Republican) Gregg Harper objected to the Chair recognizing him, insisting that he first lower the hood of his robe in compliance with House rules regarding hats. I’m pretty sure there were also others whose suspicions were aroused when He appeared wearing a hoodie. Frankly, you’d think He would have known better.”

The evening only became more contentious after that.

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Friday March 30, 2012 · 3:49 PM PDT

2012/03/30 · 15:49

Jesus Christ, the renowned Jewish philosopher and religious scholar viewed by many as their Lord and Savior, will address a nationally televised joint session of the United States Congress this coming Tuesday, April 3, at 8 PM Eastern time.

According to officials, neither the purpose nor subject of Jesus’s historic address will be known in advance. When asked if this most unprecedented appearance is in any way related to a possible pending apocalypse, a representative of the enigmatic church leader cryptically responded, “Does He look Mayan to you?”

The announcement was made following a reportedly heated closed-door session of the Republican Congressional Caucus which was necessitated by a division within its ranks over whether or not to adopt the concurrent resolution necessary to convene a joint session...

More Here

GOP Voting Measures Anger Women's Groups

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Wednesday March 21, 2012 · 3:00 PM PDT

2012/03/21 · 15:00

Bills currently being considered in 13 state legislatures have several women’s rights groups and prominent civil rights advocates accusing Republicans of attempting to disenfranchise the nation’s female population.

The measures — all very similar in nature — would require female voters to undergo counseling and/or wait at least 24 hours after first visiting the polls before being allowed to cast their ballot.

Opponents describe such legislation as a blatant attempt to prevent women from voting. Supporters claim that no one’s rights would be infringed, and the measures, once enacted, will allow female voters to ‘make more informed decisions’.

real satire

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Sunday March 18, 2012 · 1:41 PM PDT

2012/03/18 · 13:41

In a Desperate Blogger exclusive, we reveal the video that by their very own admission, friends of Rush Limbaugh have been keeping under lock and key.

The existence of this footage has been the subject of widespread speculation on the Internet for many months, and the rumor mill kicked into high gear recently when Mr. Limbaugh let slip to his radio audience that his appetite for pornography — just as for trans fats — is so voracious that he encourages young ‘sluts and prostitutes’ who use prescription birth control to post videos of their sexual encounters online.

Video and more HERE

(Any help on how to embed video in diary would be greatly appreciated...)

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Strip the Part-Time Congress of Employer Provided Health Insurance [Petition]

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